There is no right or wrong way to grieve, I have read this many a times. Every human reacts different and every loss is also different. There are no standard rules on how bad a grief should be or how long one should grieve. Sometimes grief sinks in after a while.
From each loss, we have to learn and grow, and each moment helps us to face the next loss. That is life; every human being goes through losses in their life, goes through pain, emotional or physical. Grief from the loss of dear ones that lingers is always a challenge.
Whatever loss we are facing today, be it a loved one, a friendship, a relationship, a priceless possession, a job, a business, health, identity, wealth, pets – we always wonder how we will survive the loss and cope with it.
Losing a loved one, can be devastating, however losing a family member, a neighbor, a friend need not be always about death, can be a divorce, a permanent brain damage, paralysis, succumbing to conditions like Alzheimer’s, losing one’s mental status and personality forever. Losing the “ME, YOU, I after a stroke, losing muscle strength and losing physical and mental development can be traumatic.
Losing a role as a mother, father, grandparents, spouse, sibling, child, or a person or as a job position can be miserable. This is losing one’s identity and the need to be the person you ought to be can be heart breaking.
Losing priceless, cherished possessions can be very sad, things or material possessions you connect to, home, personal belongings, photos, books, jewelry, clothes, memorabilia’s, household things etc.
Losses bring about fear in a lot of people, the fear of never being the same again; anxiety from such fear will ruin day to day life and the courage to move forward.
I am trying to analyze grief, how it feels like. Sadness, feeling hollow, lost, emptiness. However one thing is for sure every individual grieve in different ways.
After a loss we lose sleep, people just stay awake with eyes wide open into the night, being tired and not having the strength to do the normal activities, migraine, uneasiness in the stomach, heart burn, restless or talkative repeating the same thing over and over again, hyperactive all these can be physical symptoms. I know many who keep eating nonstop when they grieve and some starve, consuming alcohol, drugs, and pain killers in an abusive manner in the name of grief.
Losing concentration, focus, the capacity to think, act and perform or handle situations can be grave. Memory loss and being indecisive can be very common.
Being emotional and super sensitive can be another after effect, getting angry, reacting to situations in an abrupt manner, being argumentative, sometimes we can feel guilty, numb, hopeless, disturbed, depressed and alone.
It’s very important to let go and express, and not bottle up when you are faced with a loss situation. It’s important to grieve and mourn when we lose a loved one, it will be part of the healing. Grieving doesn’t mean we can wash off our sorrows soon as we grieve, and pass it on to someone else who is listening to our grief. We have to grieve and overcome our loss. We can never fast forward our grief with a technique, but we can accept the grief and feel the grief ourselves and that could make it easier to face it and get through it.
Friends who are good listeners can help, who doesn’t act as a forwarder, like the trolls we see in WhatsApp, messages created by you comes back to you by end of the day from another continent. Relatives and family who are concerned about you can help, counsellors, people with wisdom and compassion can help.
Writing, if one can manage to start writing it can really help.
Prayer, meditation, yoga, relaxation ideas like music, watching good movies, cooking, reading, travelling, playing board games, activity with children can help.
Human behaviors and system is so complex and unbelievable, even when everything seems normal there can be a rise and fall of emotions like a tide, ebb and flow of emotions and this is very natural. Being patient and understanding that we have to be patient is the key, patient with ourselves and others. It’s important for the people around you to know that these are natural.
During times of grief its best not to take any serious decisions on our own, its best to discuss and get expert advice. Especially things with complex legal and commercial implications.
One thing I have noticed is, we ignore our health so much when we are in grief, and we expect our body to take all the beating. It’s so important to eat healthy, you can eat less but eating on time, drinking enough water, sleeping enough, trying to do some basic exercise is very important to keep our body fit to cope with the grief.
There are no strict norms of how one should grieve; some of us try to be as normal as possible when we are burning within. It’s not a sign of weakness to seek help and reach out to friends and family when you feel you can’t handle or you need help. At times it really helps to stay with people who will support you without interfering with your life.
If there is trouble to control your emotions, anger and if you feel hopeless, if you feel there is no purpose to live its best to seek help of friend’s family or counsellors.
Whatever may be the case your loss is real
Nothing will take it away, but in time you can come back to lead a normal life. Time will not wipe off your loss, it will reduce the magnitude of the loss, we will never be able to forget our losses but the impact can be reduced over time.
When conditions change the routines change, we will never be able to repeat the same lifestyle we had before the loss. However we can adopt a new lifestyle and manage our life. Accepting this fact is the key to overcome the loss.
Ultimately it’s in us to change, accept change and taking help!!! and moving forward.
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